ABRAHAM LINCOLN HAMBURGER TAX

In an attempt to answer that age old question of how to kill three birds (themes) with one stone (song), Skip Sawburn created “Abraham Lincoln Made a Hamburger Tax”. Is the jury still out?…you be the judge.

Indoors or out, no one relaxes
In March, that month of wind and taxes,
The wind will presently disappear,
The taxes last us all the year.

—Ogden Nash, “Thar She Blows,” Versus (1949)

I spent all day today doing my taxes, during which time I discovered that I am simultaneously self-employed and NOT self-employed. I’m still not entirely sure what that means, but I think I have to watch my back about sexual harassment in my own home now. Very difficult to do when I spend at least 2 hours a day looking in a mirror, checking out my tush and catcalling myself.

Since the season is upon us, you should make a fine piece of artwork commemorating our dear friends at the Internal Revenue Service. Perhaps you could do a lovely portrait of your friendly neighborhood H&R Block representative. Perhaps you could fill out your 1040 in exquisitely intricate calligraphy. Perhaps you could do a dramatic reading of the Schedule C instructions (which, by the way, appear to be written in iambic tetrameter).

At any rate, making your creation is a fantastic way to further procrastinate actually doing your taxes.

Godspeed.

portabella boigahs.

A SONG! A SONG! A SONG! A SONG! A SONG!

In response to Pat Barrett’s Ground Hog themed song “Little Whistle Pig”, about sexing a groundhog, I decided to go a step farther: Sexing a make believe lady i made out of a hamburger. This song is called “If My Burger Turned Into A Lady”.  I’m very sorry for what your ears are about to go through.

IF MY BURGER TURNED INTO A LADY

Court case of the century: The People v. The Hamburglar.

Also: I am not cut out to be a courtroom sketch artist.

Also also: Painting with hamburger grease, via @jamersss.

Only once a month
And then only Grass Finish’d
She says Pollan said

I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to try out this hamburger cupcake idea I came across. Nothin’ but white cake, choco cake, and frosting. How about that? Up close they look just like the fatty burgers you are familiar with! Special thanks to Dan McCool for gnawing on all that frosting.

“For the rest of my life I’ll be thinking about that hamburger. I’ll be sitting there at the counter, holding it in my hands with tears streaming down my cheeks. The waitress will be looking away because she doesn’t like to see kids crying when they are eating hamburgers…”
— Richard Brautigan

Yes! Our latest theme is Hamburgers! At last!