You can click it to enlarge it.

Swollen limbs and face?  Check.

Increased urination?  Check.

Vision changes/hallucinations?  Check.

Viagra’s unwanted breast enlargement–just for fun?  Check.

Restless legs?  No way, Jose.

I think we could all go for some First Depression, how-the-other-half-lives, Busby Berkeley-style escapism right now. Thus I propose Gettin’ Paid, the Last VCR theme about raking in the cash and livin’ it up. Let’s get rich, boom before we bust, and party like it’s 1999!

Whether you prefer to flaunt your imaginary wealth or just distract us all from the pain of watching the American empire collapse, make it loud, make it gaudy, make it sparkly, and if you can throw in one or two hundred dancers with long, bare legs and crazy things on their heads. (Diamond grills are just as welcome as top hats and tails, beeteedubs.)

tax-time-is-couples-time-too

*careful playing this, I used a broken microphone to record it.

(special thanks to a gentleman who prefers to think of himself as another Mary Shelley)

This is it. A skegs-fulcrum has been reached, and there is no turning back. In the age of:
Neo-Retro design, God as bubble wrap and The Virgin Mother in edibles; David Byrne inspired rock, Mashed-Up-Re-Mixes, R. Kelly or Kanye auto-tuned; the manatee-written Family Guy, everything in trilogies, drooling on your loved ones, run on sentences from the morbese, the fantasy of Kevin Spacey in a Thundercats movie, Taikonauts, the lady who came out with twin black& white babies- twice (look it up, it’s crazy;) we have been given Kindergarten Cop vs. The Goonies. There are ways to complete your life, and this is one of them.

with Jen May

Wizards with Side Effects

I love prescription medication ads. Having a virile looking commercial actor or actress (or charming animated character) on my television confide to me that they have health problems (high blood pressure, restless legs, clogged arteries, trouble sleeping) but everything’s under control makes me feel like there’s hope for my shaky, sleepless, geyser veined legs.

Pills are great and so simple to use. Ask your doctor about them. This Last VCR theme is dedicated to prescription medication side effects.

Here’s some side effects to get the brain juices flowing. If the brain juices aren’t flowing, I’m sure there’s something you can take for that.

Fun Viagra side effects: Seeing shades of colors differently than before; increase in size of pupil; unusually warm skin; breast enlargement

Less fun Viagra side effects: Bleeding of the eye; excessive hunger; dryness, redness, scaling, or peeling of the skin; heart failure (sort of romantic); skin paleness (Does that make me racist?); waking to urinate at night

Fun Mirapex side effects: Abnormal dreams; abnormal thinking; change in behavior, mood, or emotions; hallucinations; sudden irresistible urge to sleep; unusual or intense urges (eg, gambling, sexual urges); vision changes; vivid dreams or daydreams

Less fun Mirapex side effects: swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue; chest pain; confusion; decreased sexual ability; difficulty walking (actually, hilarious); fainting; increased urination; memory loss; swelling of the arms or legs; trouble swallowing; unusual twitching or muscle movements

I promise I’m getting a better a camera and lights for the next time I do this. Until then, maybe you should click on it so you can read it better, YOU DOOFUS! (anybody hear the rhyme in that sentence?)