*careful playing this, I used a broken microphone to record it.

I promise I’m getting a better a camera and lights for the next time I do this. Until then, maybe you should click on it so you can read it better, YOU DOOFUS! (anybody hear the rhyme in that sentence?)

Dragons don’t have a traditional income per se, but the interest they get on all that stockpiled gold and assorted other treasures means quite a hefty 1099-INT.

Fun fact: this is drawn on the back of the first page of an IRS 1040 form.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN HAMBURGER TAX

In an attempt to answer that age old question of how to kill three birds (themes) with one stone (song), Skip Sawburn created “Abraham Lincoln Made a Hamburger Tax”. Is the jury still out?…you be the judge.

Indoors or out, no one relaxes
In March, that month of wind and taxes,
The wind will presently disappear,
The taxes last us all the year.

—Ogden Nash, “Thar She Blows,” Versus (1949)

I spent all day today doing my taxes, during which time I discovered that I am simultaneously self-employed and NOT self-employed. I’m still not entirely sure what that means, but I think I have to watch my back about sexual harassment in my own home now. Very difficult to do when I spend at least 2 hours a day looking in a mirror, checking out my tush and catcalling myself.

Since the season is upon us, you should make a fine piece of artwork commemorating our dear friends at the Internal Revenue Service. Perhaps you could do a lovely portrait of your friendly neighborhood H&R Block representative. Perhaps you could fill out your 1040 in exquisitely intricate calligraphy. Perhaps you could do a dramatic reading of the Schedule C instructions (which, by the way, appear to be written in iambic tetrameter).

At any rate, making your creation is a fantastic way to further procrastinate actually doing your taxes.

Godspeed.