That’s all you’ve got to go on, “myth.”  It’s vague enough to be almost anything.  The myth that drinking Coca Cola and eating Pop Rocks will explode you?  The mythologizing of the Obamas?  Demythologizing the American jackalope?  The myth of global warming (if you’re into thinking like that)?  The myth that Bert and Ernie are gay?

And then there’s the regular stuff:  Greek, Egyptian, Mesoamerican, Oceanic, Chinese, Aboriginal, Vedic, etc.  Duh.

Lets face it. IATLVCR is exhausted. Burned out. Its been at work all day and doesn’t feel like it anymore (you know who you are). But after a long day at the quarry nothing makes us feel better than our furry friends, waiting for us just behind our front doors. Some would call them “scavengers” , “poop guns”, or “practice babies”, but most of us just call them PETS.

You can feel it already can’t you? Yup, thats your blood pressure returning to normal. Good spot! Good boy! Hey, now that all that stress is gone, maybe we can finally sit down and make ourselves some blog art. Something in the name of our animal compadres.

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I think we could all go for some First Depression, how-the-other-half-lives, Busby Berkeley-style escapism right now. Thus I propose Gettin’ Paid, the Last VCR theme about raking in the cash and livin’ it up. Let’s get rich, boom before we bust, and party like it’s 1999!

Whether you prefer to flaunt your imaginary wealth or just distract us all from the pain of watching the American empire collapse, make it loud, make it gaudy, make it sparkly, and if you can throw in one or two hundred dancers with long, bare legs and crazy things on their heads. (Diamond grills are just as welcome as top hats and tails, beeteedubs.)

I love prescription medication ads. Having a virile looking commercial actor or actress (or charming animated character) on my television confide to me that they have health problems (high blood pressure, restless legs, clogged arteries, trouble sleeping) but everything’s under control makes me feel like there’s hope for my shaky, sleepless, geyser veined legs.

Pills are great and so simple to use. Ask your doctor about them. This Last VCR theme is dedicated to prescription medication side effects.

Here’s some side effects to get the brain juices flowing. If the brain juices aren’t flowing, I’m sure there’s something you can take for that.

Fun Viagra side effects: Seeing shades of colors differently than before; increase in size of pupil; unusually warm skin; breast enlargement

Less fun Viagra side effects: Bleeding of the eye; excessive hunger; dryness, redness, scaling, or peeling of the skin; heart failure (sort of romantic); skin paleness (Does that make me racist?); waking to urinate at night

Fun Mirapex side effects: Abnormal dreams; abnormal thinking; change in behavior, mood, or emotions; hallucinations; sudden irresistible urge to sleep; unusual or intense urges (eg, gambling, sexual urges); vision changes; vivid dreams or daydreams

Less fun Mirapex side effects: swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue; chest pain; confusion; decreased sexual ability; difficulty walking (actually, hilarious); fainting; increased urination; memory loss; swelling of the arms or legs; trouble swallowing; unusual twitching or muscle movements

Indoors or out, no one relaxes
In March, that month of wind and taxes,
The wind will presently disappear,
The taxes last us all the year.

—Ogden Nash, “Thar She Blows,” Versus (1949)

I spent all day today doing my taxes, during which time I discovered that I am simultaneously self-employed and NOT self-employed. I’m still not entirely sure what that means, but I think I have to watch my back about sexual harassment in my own home now. Very difficult to do when I spend at least 2 hours a day looking in a mirror, checking out my tush and catcalling myself.

Since the season is upon us, you should make a fine piece of artwork commemorating our dear friends at the Internal Revenue Service. Perhaps you could do a lovely portrait of your friendly neighborhood H&R Block representative. Perhaps you could fill out your 1040 in exquisitely intricate calligraphy. Perhaps you could do a dramatic reading of the Schedule C instructions (which, by the way, appear to be written in iambic tetrameter).

At any rate, making your creation is a fantastic way to further procrastinate actually doing your taxes.

Godspeed.

“For the rest of my life I’ll be thinking about that hamburger. I’ll be sitting there at the counter, holding it in my hands with tears streaming down my cheeks. The waitress will be looking away because she doesn’t like to see kids crying when they are eating hamburgers…”
— Richard Brautigan

Yes! Our latest theme is Hamburgers! At last!

This one’s simple:  just pick a movie in your DVD collection and create something inspired by it.  It could be a drawing of your favorite Ghostbuster, a song inspired by that time Aladdin split his stolen bread with the street rat kids, a sculpture of Vito Corleone with an orange in his mouth, anything.  It would be nice if it wasn’t something based on your favorite DVD, otherwise we’d all end up with Lord of the Rings fanart, right?  Right.

The hope is that since you went through all the trouble of buying the DVD, you’re passionate enough about it to want to make some art.  And please, nothing from your Laserdisc and/or HD-DVD collections.  That’s just ridiculous.

“That’s right, woodchuck chuckers, it’s Groundhog Daayyy!”

Groundhog Day also happens to be one of the best movies of the latter part of the twentieth century. There, I said it. If you haven’t seen it, please do. Right now. To sum it up in a sentence, Bill Murray is a weatherman who, for unknown reason, keeps reliving Groundhog Day and also he’s in love with Andie MacDowell. As Biggie would say, “If you don’t know, now you know.”

Instructions

Do with this as you see fit. Obviously, you could play around with repetition or variations on a theme. Or else you could of course make something about whistle pigs. Maybe you just want to craft an ode to Bill Murray or Harold Ramis? Hell, you could do something about Andie MacDowell or Chris Elliott for all I care.

Every classroom had ‘em: inspirational posters. How else were we to know that “ENTHUSIASM IGNITES GREATNESS” or that “QUITTERS NEVER WIN.” And the motivational fortitude didn’t stop on our classroom walls. The secrets to success were everywhere: waiting rooms, libraries, even our parents’ place of buisness. Who could ever forget Mom’s favorite, “HANG IN THERE BABY.”

Instructions

Create one or more works based off of a line from a motivational poster. This may require some research. “Hang in there baby” is an obvious candidate for this, but certainly exciting subject material. Other lines we’ve come across include, “THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK,” “Math=Success,” and “FRIENDS ARE CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN THE COOKIE OF LIFE.” You may also come up with a short inspirational saying of your own.

Always remember, poster design is just one of thousands of acceptable formats for submission. You could make a PSA, a T-shirt, an edgy Karate Kid-esque montage song, whatever!